Flirting Academy - Sunday Times Article

First for Flirting - UK's only Flirting Academy

Sunday Times – Style magazine – 26/12/99 [including, in italics, original text written by Emma Marlin but not included in the article because of space limitation]

YOU'VE GOT THE LOOK - All you need now is to make someone else feel really special.  earn how to flirt and you could turn your life around, says Emma Marlin.

Flirting has recently been identified as the most popular party pastime, so if you’re a fantastic flirt and find it easy to talk to anyone, anywhere, you’re guaranteed some fun at the millennium.  And the good news for those who fumble their flirting is that there are workshops and courses that can help to sort it out.

Peta Heskell, a former corporate trainer turned flirtation therapist hopes to change this with her weekend flirting workshops, sorry playshop. “Workshop implies it’s work and this isn’t”.  The way Heskell sees it, flirting is part instinct part art and that with a little help, everyone can turn on their flirt beam.  

“Somehow, flirting’s become goal orientated and that leaches out all the fun. I believe that before you can flirt effectively you need to learn how to feel playful again. Because when you feel relaxed and playful and open you’re much more likely to elicit a positive response from others. And that’s when the magic of rapport kicks in.”

Combining her skills from ten years as a corporate trainer, writer, hypnotherapist, and Neuro Linguistic Programming trainer  Heskell has formulated a two day programme dedicated to helping even the shyest person become a fantastic flirt.

“Flirting isn’t just about getting sex. Being a good flirt means you’re confident and good at putting people at ease with themselves. That’s enriching for business, for those in committed relationships and for those looking to meet a partner.”

To this end, Heskell’s playshop combines practical exercises, guided visualisations, voice work and the odd spot of Latin American dancing to help participants ‘manage their emotions, establish rapport, learn new behaviour, feel more confident and approach anyone without being afraid of the results.’

Well that’s what it says on her Flirtzone web pages. It’s an ambitious claim to make, but within ten minutes of meeting this 46 year old, I’m left in no doubt that she is a consummate flirt.  Later in our interview, as she manhandles a cigarette  and plays with her mountain of streaky blonde hair, she  reels off a list of techniques she used to put me at ease and make a good impression. “You and I talk quite fast,” she explains. “If you hadn’t, I would have slowed down to your level. I was also careful to use the same words that you were using. Mirroring back the words someone uses is a great tool for connecting. It shows I’m listening which, in turn, helps develop a rapport between us.”

Sure enough, when I play back my tape, I’m struck by how often Heskell uses my adjectives. And how she slows her voice and lowers her tone slightly when she wants to make a point.. People forget that it’s not about what you say, it’s the tone, pace, facial expression and body language of how you say it that makes that initial impression.” It is this exploration of how to connect that gives Heskell’s playshops their real potential.

According to psychologists, flirtatious body language comes naturally - born out of a genetic motivation to find a mate and reproduce.  However, sex in the city – or anywhere else for that matter – isn’t going as smoothly as we’ve been led to believe. “People, particularly women, are very good at exaggerating or even suppressing body language. Which is why men tend to misread it,” explains Heskell. “Body language is important but before you can hold eye contact with a stranger you need to be in a confident, trusting state. So I show people how to get themselves into a way of thinking that allows them to feel good about themselves.”

It seems strangely ironic that in these hyper-sexualised times people even need to go on a course to learn how to flirt. According to Heskell, the people that come along to her workshops learn as much about handing rejection as they do about pulling.

“One of the exercises I do is to send people out at lunch time to smile at strangers. I do this because to be a good flirt you’ve got to let go of the outcome and learn to take a rebuff. One woman saw Bob Geldof and beamed at him.  She came back quite disheartened because he looked straight through her.  I said, “For all you know, he might be having the worst day of his life.  Just because he didn’t respond to you doesn’t mean you have to take it personally.   Let it go and move on.  Eventually, if you smile at enough of the right people, one will smile back at you!”

It is this bushy tailed enthusiasm  of her subject that makes Heskell engaging. And while some of Heskell’s suggested techniques are pure Cosmopolitan circa 1974 (she suggests a sexy way to flirt with my partner is go out to dinner without wearing any underwear and announce it half way through dinner), I end up understanding more about the importance of observation and listening. 
I also learn a personal space technique that reveals which side someone I meet for the first time would be most receptive to my advances on. And how to repeat someone’s name back to them in a charmingly seductive manner. I think it sounds a bit naff until I later try it on my partner (the seductive tones, not the knicker caper) and his eyes twinkle with sudden interest.

All of which leads me to suspect it would be near impossible to spend two days with this woman and not learn something extremely useful about flirting. Or connecting. Or even Latin American dancing.

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