Letter to a 14 year old girl
"You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great
as your dominant aspiration."
James Allen
Hey! My name is Shari and I am 14 years old in grade nine. I am on the
cheerleading squad. I have a lot of friends and a lot of guys like me, but
there's this one guy who has a brother who plays on my brothers hockey team. All
my friends say he is interested in me and always flirts with me. But the only
problem is, is he is in grade seven. He looks and is really mature for his age.
I like him a lot and want to go out with him (all his friends told me that he
wants to go out with me to) but won't that be "robbing the cradle"? Please help
me I really need advice.
Shari
Peta writes
Hi Shari,
You like him a lot and you want to go out with him. You have certain stories in
your head that were planted by your family, teachers, friends. Most of them mean
well and are trying to save you from what they think is 'not right'. Phrases
like 'robbing the cradle' were invented by people, just like you and me. They
are no more wise or better than us.
What happens is that we have natural inclinations to do things as a child. As we
get older, other people stop us. Sometimes they are right, sometimes they are
wrong. If we can all learn to listen more to ourselves, to ask ourselves who we
really are and what we are like when we are being ourselves, and be our own
advisors, then we won't be affected by things our friends say.
When you do this, you may run the risk of your friends not wanting to be with
you or talking about you. After all you are a cheerleader, and obviously a
popular person. You may sometimes find yourself agreeing with your friends about
things even when you really don't. You follow fashions and your friends talk
about what's 'in'.
At your age, we all go through this thing of wanting to be like our friends,
wanting them to like us. We want to fit in. In order to 'fit in' we sometimes
delete things about ourselves that are really important.
You are, first and foremost, Shari, a unique individual human being with
wonderful qualities, unlimited potential and a host of skills that you haven't
even thought about yet.
And, as you grow older, you will, I hope, begin to realise what's really great
about you, just you and begin to do what is right for you by following your
dreams.
Go with your heart. I know that in school, age is very important. The older
students tend to think they are superior to the younger ones. Of course, they
are different, they haven't had some of the experiences we have had, yet. But
some of them are bright and intelligent and fun and you could miss out on them
because you've been programmed with stories made up by people like us that it's
not 'done' to hang out with the younger students.
I was at school with a famous dress designer [she designed Princess Diana's
wedding dress]. Liz was in the year below me so I didn't have much to do with
her at all, while I was in school. A friend of mine, from outside school, went
to art school with Liz. They became friends. I became friends with Liz and
attended her wedding. Liz was still the same person, I'd just missed out on her
at school I often wonder who else I could have interacted with....and where that
would have led..
So you see, someone I'd missed out on because she was younger, became a friend
as we got older. People are people - there's good and bad and old and young and
black and white and happy and sad.. and these are just part of what makes them
who they are. There's loads more. and it's really cool to get to know people of
all ages. You learn so much, just by hanging out from time to time. People are
your greatest teachers, meet as many as you can while you can!
If this guy seems mature for his age, he may well be. I have a friend who is now
22. I met him when he was 18. He had such a hard time hanging out with friends
of his own age, because he was just too intelligent and spiritual for them. He
felt more comfortable in the company of older friends, including me, and I'm 49!
If it's fun and harmless and you both want it - you can have it. When you just
think to yourself, I'm going to go out and get to know this guy and see how it
goes, you can go into it in a relaxed way with curiosity and a sense of
adventure.
Maybe it won't work out, maybe it will. Nothing is for sure, we just have to
follow the paths that are set out in front of us, choosing wisely and from our
hearts, knowing what is good and what is not. You just have to decide! Go with
your heart and listen to your body and your head!
Whatever you do in your life just another experience of many, many ships you
will sail throughout the oceans of your life. They are all lessons in their way.
Sometimes we learn quickly, while sometimes we have to learn the same old lesson
over and over. Learn to learn quickly by listening to yourself and asking what
you really want and knowing that there's a whole world out there waiting for you
to step into the adventure of your life!! Keep dreaming..
love and smiles
peta xx
Copyright © 1999-2001 Peta Heskell All articles are copyright of Peta Heskell.
