Flirting
Academy
Case History
Flirting
Academy
UK's only Flirting Academy
0700 4 354 784
Male Case History
- 1
I'm a 33 year old white male, only child, single never been married etc.
etc. no kids. I have a good job and I enjoy my work very much (I'm a
police officer). I don't have many friends and the ones I do have are
all married off (I am the only single person I know) and as usual when a
guy gets married other things take priority where as before going out
for a regular drink/evening etc. would not have been a problem now of
course it is. I guess this is what is called "Being left on the shelf".
Contrary to popular belief the police is not a very social society and
after work it is very uncommon to go out as a team as in any other job
people want to get home to see their wives, husbands boy/girl friends
etc..
I have not had a steady relationship for 9 years and since then have
only been out with one or two people on a couple of occasions. Obviously in my line of work I have to show confidence this however does
not cross over into my out of work life. I am and have always been shy
around new people.
Other people find this hard to believe and usually
think I'm having them on. I find it very difficult to initiate any kind of chat with the opposite
sex once I get to know them then its a different matter and I can talk
to them but even then its a struggle. I don't consider myself good
looking or attractive (I guess this is one of the problems to overcome
low self esteem), and in my younger days did not have a girlfriend until
my mid 20's and that only came about after she made the initial move.
Peta writes:
This is one of the commonest challenges faced by people who come to
me for help. This is where I always start to work with
people. Before learning any techniques or hearing any
words of wisdom, people need to find that place inside them that is
you at your best. As far as I am concerned, when this is in
place and when you can access this more often, all the rest slots
in..
I heard on your programme today you talk about rejection and how it is not
your problem but a discussion made by the other person, It has taken me
a long time but I understand what you mean I recently asked a girl out
after thinking she liked me but another rejection came back with the
usual "I like you as a friend blah blah blah" (I have lost count the
number of times I have heard that speech), and believe me I understand
that it is their choice.
Peta writes:
Many men suffer from the 'I like you as a friend' response from
women. I believe the cause of this problem is that they manage
to turn off their sexuality. We are all sexual beings.. and
our sexual energy runs through everything we do. Men who are
charming and attractive to women are not necessarily the good
looking ones. It is the ones who know just how much to turn up the
sexual aura and when to turn it down. They NEVER turn it
off.
The 'bad guys' who
always seem to pull do so because they are always 'turned up'.
They waft their sexuality around indiscriminately. Women sense
this at an unconscious or what I call 'below stairs'
level. So, learning how to get in touch with that
sexuality and how to bring just enough of it to the surface to exude
the unconscious attractors, is the vital next step. How you
say? Well, that is something that can be facilitated.
This is not about sex therapy, it is about realising and harnessing
and controlling your sexual energy instead of trying to hold it back
or turning it off.
I was more worried I had lost a friend than
anything but after knock back after knock back you just begin to lose
heart and think well why bother and to be honest I don't even think about looking for someone anymore.
I would dearly love to have someone special as I do miss things such as hugs and kisses etc. but more
importantly I miss having someone to do things with I love the cinema,
eating out or going to a pub and you really cant do these things on your
own as you come across as the "sad bloke" and get put out of view in a
restaurant etc.
Peta writes:
The above paragraph is all about your level of self esteem and what
you consequently project of yourself on the world. Already you
are seeing yourself as the 'sad bloke' You are imagining
other people saying things about you.. and as a result you are
actively accessing the state of mind and physiology of a 'sad
bloke'. You leak the truth from every pore.. as a man thinketh
so he is.
I would recommend a personal development seminar, where you can
begin to learn more about how to like yourself as you are.
Insight seminars are very loving and full of a variety of people,
from poor students to multi-millionaires. A great starting
place. Links to this on my personal
development links page.
I put my shyness down to a couple of reasons
1. Being an only child I'm not blaming my parents it was not their fault
but I think having a brother or sister around with their friends you
learn how to interact with others, meeting your sisters friends etc.
etc.. I have been used to being on my own now for so long that I guess
I'm a loner.
2. At the crucial age of 14 going to an all boys school thus having no
contact with girls at the age when they become interesting until I left
school and started work.
Believe me if I ever have children I will have more than one and I would
never send them to a single sex school.
Peta writes:
All these reasons are just that reasons. Accessing them any
more will NOT serve to help you. Remember to live in the NOW.. Not
always looking back and finding reasons why you are the way you
are.. Oh my mummy dropped me.. that's why I have to be like
this. In this case, its possible to go forward. Once the
access is in place to get to your true genetic imprint, that's when
you will start to live for the moment. Life happens.
What next? You can't change the past.. but you can
change and influence your future. The
how's are what I do in my work as a facilitator of the Mythogenic
Self process. Contact
me for personal consultation
I am not trying to block any suggestions you may have but I figured I
would cover the following topics as I have heard them before and I guess
you would suggest them.
Evening classes tried them and did not find that someone special there
now with my shift work I couldn't do them.
Amateur dramatics tried it I loved every minute
of it I worked backstage and in fact that is where I met the girl in my only steady relationship
however again due to work I can't make the commitment am-dram requires.
Dating agencies to be honest I cant seeing it be my cup of tea as it
seems I guess un-natural to me, I'm under the impression of it will happen don't force it so to speak.
Someone at work, people always say to me there must be lots of female
officers at work you could go out with believe me there isn't and to be
honest I don't think it would be right to have a relationship with someone in my line of work as it might have problems if the relationship
broke down and you had to work with the person.
Peta writes:
All of these methods are valid ways of meeting people when you are
ready for a relationship. Just wanting one does not make you
ready. They
will NOT resolve your personal challenges. Going to a dating
agency or singles nights will probably be largely unsuccessful until
you have dealt with your challenges. The reasons your attempts
at these meeting activities is not successful is that you need to
work on yourself. The good news is that you are already on the
path. Writing this letter is one step.
Many people go
through their lives believing that once they meet the right person
all their problems will be solved. This two halves make a
whole kind of thinking is not
good. Think rather that two wholes make three, that third
being the intermingling of both of you, happy as you are, to create
something more.. and that both of you are not less without the
other person but are whole and perfect.. as we all are.. its just a
case of finding it and living from that space. As I repeat
this it is because it is SO important. It is interesting that
you loved every minute of amateur dramatics. Perhaps this is
something about operating from a space that is more in tune with
you. There are ways of making time, job or no job,
have you ever thought of starting something of your own, or
attending actor's workshop training.. When you start accessing your
own truth, things start to come in, ideas, people, ways of
living.. sometimes it means making big changes, sometimes
not.. but usually so.
I know my mum and dad worry about my situation they try not to "have a
go" about it but every so often it raises it head.
Peta writes:
So, when it raises its head, make sure you have a protective bubble
around you that allows in only what is useful and keeps out that
which is not. Your parents have their own lives and one of the
greatest mistakes parents make is having specific wishes and desires
for their children. The only desire or wish a parent should
have for a child is that that child becomes that which he or she is
destined to be. That that child accesses its own unique
greatness and that they fully support them. They mean
well, but you must for the moment allow it to wash over you and
away. You will find love, when you are ready.
So that's my life and problems in a nutshell, I would love to hear any
suggestions you have and I don't mind if you use this as an example case
on the Internet or radio etc. as if my plight helps another person then
great.
Peta writes:
Thank you for allowing me to
use this as a case history. This is not about solving problems
with a few words..it is about you and other people reading this
thinking about what they can do to change.. taking steps to become
more who they are. If everyone can make moves towards this, as
one of my participants said 'There'd be no war, pain or
hunger'. Ain't that something! to think about...
Contact
me if you wish to share your own case history in this way
Back
to Case History main index
