State reigns supreme. The most
important component of a successful flirtation is being
in the right mood for flirting. Good flirts are playful,
have a sense of fun, adventure and a curiosity about
people. When you feel good about yourself, only then can
you give this to others. You can learn to use the skills
of NLP to make changes in states whenever you need to do
something childlike each day, jumping in puddles,
smiling for no reason. See people not as something you have to ‘deal
with’ but as a gateway to new
adventures and
Let go of the outcome and get it
anyway If your main focus is concentrated on what
you want, it will show. You may come across as
desperate. Instead of worrying whether you will score or
make a good impression, focus on what you can give. Ask
your self how you can easily make other people feel
good. It will return to you once the connection is made.
Your brain grows with the repetition of actions as
neurons that connect the areas of the brain creating
these actions. The neurons become strengthened each time
the connection is made. The activity becomes automatic.
You will begin to flirt naturally and adapt your style
of flirting to the situation.
Be yourself. Sigmund Freud,
whether you agree with him or not, had a few cool things
to say. One of them was "We leak the truth from
every pore." Phoneys get discovered sooner or
later. If you pretend to be that which you are not, you
will very quickly find yourself with less friends, less
connections and less opportunities to meet someone who
is right for you. Of course, remember how important it
is to show yourself in a good light.
Feedback v Failure – Bobby
Charlton said "if you don’t shoot you won’t
score, if you do shoot, you may score, if you never
shoot you will never score". People often give up
when they don’t get immediate results. Monitor what
works and what doesn’t work. If you aren’t getting
the results you want, ask yourself what you could do
differently that would allow you to. When you believe
that there is no failure in life and that whatever
result you get is a learning tool, you will succeed.
Learn from what doesn’t work and do something
different.
Monitor and become aware of the
effects you have when you flirt. Some women send out
signals of overt sexual flirting when all they want is
to be friendly. Others send out overtly sexual signals
because they want attention. And they will get it.
Unfortunately, some of the attention will be unwanted.
Practise with your close friends asking them to give you
honest feedback. Practise in the mirror. When you begin
to understand the effect of what you do, you will be in
a position to make changes..
The dreaded chat up lines .
‘Give us a good chat up line then’. This is the
initial response from a most men when I tell them I
teach flirting. Many women will have heard some of these
chat-up clichés before. It won’t do you any favours
guys. There is no such thing as a ready to wear line.
Each ‘line’ should be a genuine sentiment of what happening at the moment. Sometimes the simplest opening
gambits are the best. Sometimes by paying attention to
the person you want to flirt with and noticing their
good points, you will come up with a natural and
successful line.
And if you can’t think of one saying
"hello" with a smile and walking on by with a
glance back... is my
favourite all time successful line!
Make yourself approachable. When
you go out with a group of friends, be sure to separate
yourself from them occasionally. The thought of being
turned down in front of a crowd might scare off
potential suitors. Make sure you look friendly. Sitting
like an ice queen/king will not attract people to you. The
big freeze is no one’s idea of a turn on. You may
unconsciously be giving out ‘no no’ signals when
secretly you are lusting for someone to approach you.
Check what you are giving off and if it's not getting
results you want, adjust it. Ask friends to give you
feedback.
Accepting compliments, brushing off
rejection. Sometimes we store rejection in the place
we should reserve for compliments and vice versa. What
do you take to heart? Where do you store your rejection
and criticism? Do you take it deep inside or do you hold
it away from you so that you can look at it objectively
and learn from it. You can shrug it off when you have
done learning. Where do you store your compliments –
Do you throw them off? Or do you take them deep into
your heart and glow? Learn to put things in perspective.
Look out for compliments, take them in and shrug off
rejection. Begin to notice your feelings and where they
are located in your body. Simple awareness is sometimes
curative.
Making the first move. 95% of the
men I interviewed said they would love women to approach
them. Ladies, you already have taken initiative in many
areas of your life. Making the first move doesn’t have
to become a habit, and it doesn't have to be a 'Sex and the City' type of approach! It's just an alternative way
of doing things. Variety is the spice of life eh? From
time to time you can enjoyably make the first move. If
you see someone across a room that ‘does something for
you’ , make up your mind to connect with that person.
Follow your instincts. Too many of us don’t listen to
our deeper instincts and miss out on wonderful
opportunities.
Say 'no' graciously. If you are
going to turn someone down, do so graciously. See it as
a form of compliment to be asked, even if the man or
woman is not
your type. If you reject someone viciously or unkindly,
other men may notice and you can be sure they will be
very wary of approaching the "Medusa’s den".
On the other hand, when you reject someone with grace,
other people will notice that and may be drawn to your
charm and kindness.
Personal Space Are you a space
invader? You’ve probably encountered those people who
get that little bit too close for comfort. No matter how
you wriggle, they continue to loom ‘in your face’ Be
aware of how others react to you. Test space using
gentle moves and calibrate their reactions. Watch the
mouth, the eyes, the skin colour. Mouths get larger,
lips swell, eyes widen, pupils dilate, skin flushes,
changes colour, muscles around the mouth move and vice
versa. Become a detective of other people’s signals.
Energy Awareness What kind of
energy do you live in? Are you a fiery wild type who is
always hyper-burning and active? Are you a flowing
watery type who sways and sashays or crashes through
life, or are you airy fairy, floaty or hurricane-like,
or are you earthy, solid deep rooted and
passionate. We all MOVE differently.. Just
begin to check out people around you. Notice how they
move and how they talk, fast, slowly. This is
their energy... and when you become aware of it, you can
lower or raise yours to pace them and slowly lead them
up or down to a place that both of you can communicate
in. Ever seen someone talk really fast to
someone who talks really slowly... it is an
uncomfortable feeling and if we are going to interact
with people, we need to make them feel
comfortable. One rider here - don't change
yourself to BE like them and don't think you can really
CHANGE them. If you don't like it and can't lead
them to more neutral ground.. LEAVE!
If you
wish to reprint any of these articles on a related dating,
singles or romance site, please contact
me
Ask Yourself
Do you want to be more confident, like who you are more?
Do you want to attract opportunities and people that are right for you
Do you want to be able to initiate conversations, and make people feel
good in your presence?
Do you want to discover your unique sense of purpose and step into the
adventure of your life?
Do you want to be you and be with people who like you ?
Do you want to be able to maintain a state of balance, calm and readiness
no matter what happens in life?
